Celebrity Style

Can we keep in mind that the girl's style who I'm highlighting today is 13? Kiernan Shipka is ridiculously pretty, and makes "Tween dressing as adult" more fashion than skin. I'm enamored.

For Reflection

Things I hope to teach my children:

-Beauty is only power. It is not who you are, it is not what you should build your life around. Beauty is only powerful if you can supplement it.

-Always learn. Take a fact from every book you read and commit it to memory. Listen to every story a person will tell you and soak it in like lotion.

-You will hear a second, more telling conversation every time you speak to anyone, once you have the slightest grasp of human nature.

-Every person on the planet, is worthy of  your considering to respect them. 

-There are no acceptable casualties. Everyone is important.

-There are few, precious few reasons to be rude to someone. Know and utilize them.

-To be a great parent.

Sky

You ever feel like the sky is just more beautiful over certain states?

New Mexico is one of those places.

Bling

So, I'd never shopped there before, but Asos is amazing!

Details.

In trying to be more fashionable I try to make myself look at details above the obvious statements of an outfit, which is what I am inclined to do.
One of these things I feel we run over without thinking about is hair pieces!

Free people

These beauties are boho-whimsical and I adore them. The combs make me think of old-Rose in the Titanic, when she gently brushes her fingers across the artifacts found in her room safe, remember?
The second two pictures are a bun wrap, and a model wearing the bun wrap. While some of these seem pretty fancy, I feel like I could wear them with t-shirts and boyfriend shorts, and sea salty hair, wavy hair. You know? Maybe im crazy. But I would do it.

Nordstrom

Aside from the pins, these are a bit fancier. They make the jeweled wrap to be more wedding-style, but I would wear it lower on my forehead (just a bit lower) and with a cute flowy top or sundress. 

With all this Gatsby-craze going around because of Baz Luhrmann's latest bastardization of a classic., I feel like the first set of pins really capture some jazz-era flair, maybe holding back some pin-curls? The second pair of pins are just plain cute.

Can you be a bohemian hipster? Is that question redundant?

Guys. The love, I feel, for this dress.

Oh Free People always gets me. I can get lost in their dress shop. Or boot shop. Yes.

So, this color isn't too hot to me. But if those distressed details are actually denim, I'm sold.

I was looking for summery this time and this color isn't shouting "OMG SUMMER". But just imagine, a windy night at the beach, waves crashing, walking barefoot on the shore in the arms of your love, with this assuredly soft fabric whisking around your legs with every step. 

Yeah. You know what I mean.

Does anyone remember Demi Moore and Woody Harellson's house from "Indecent Proposal"? Not the dream one, the one they actually lived in? Peeling white paint, weathered natural wood siding, remember? Ahh it was barely shone. Anywho, inappropriate as it it, when I imagine wearing this dress its while I'm gardening. In a wild, unkept BUT LOVED, garden, with a great big woven sun hat. No accessories, and barefoot. Weird, I know. But the thought makes me feel happy :}

For reflection.

Dear Me,
   
     This week you struggled on how to deal with Jayden's constant shenanigans at his various lessons and classes. You've pondered, quite diligently, which path you should take with him and have spent a considerable amount of time feeling lost and at wits end. You know that you don't want to be the parent who lets her child walk all over her and everyone else, so that you wont have to reprimand him. You also know that he is young and, while you want him to learn discipline and the schematics of baseball; he is 5 years old and above all, these things should be fun. Not another reason to be yelled at for not controlling your attention span.
You also know that you don't want to be frustrated at Jayden because you are working so diligently to not have to be told anything about your child, by anyone else.
You're insecurities should not be a reason to jump down your sons throat.
You came to realize, or more appropriately  remember, when your mother would discipline you for something you did at social functions or school outing, and remember not feeling remorseful  but angry that she couldn't just let you have fun. You didn't feel apologetic. You felt resentful. This is not something you want for Jayden. Or for your relationship with him.
Right now, you know you need to lighten up, but as Jayden doesn't act out like most other boys his age, aren't sure how to handle is antics in a way that he understands. You're frustrated.
You've resigned to, for now, supporting and throwing heapfuls of love at him. Reminding him, softly, that today he should remember not to spit, not to hit, not to yell or be mean. And tell him you know he'll be great.

Another issue you're currently facing, is when to leave for Virginia. You desperately want to start the UVA Guaranteed Admission  program this year, but are committed to not breaking your lease, and simply cannot afford to save the thousands it would cost to pay off this lease, and put first, last, and deposit on another before August. So your only option in this case would be to pay both for the remainder of the year, thrusting you family into fiscal hell, because you're impatient. Wait a few months. get your shit together. This is too important. Dont go into it half cocked. This wont be like the other times.
I'd urge you you to keep your eye on the ball. Instead of swinging fast and hard, looking up at the sky.

What is really leaving a pit in your stomach though, is that, although you love your mother, you feel guilty for leaving your brothers and sister, alone to deal with her.
I dont think this guilt stems from you leaving the state. Again.
I think its comes from knowing in your heart that some of their pain, stress, worry, could be alleviated if you would just call them. Let them talk to you. I think you know that it wouldn't be such abandonment if you made a point to be there for them, no matter where you are.
But you also know, deep down, that its easier for their problems to be muffled. Its easier to not have to think about Mark feeling the way you did at 13, hating your mother, your brothers and sisters, your life. Dreading being home. Dreading Mom waking up in a tantrum. Its easy to consider your 900 miles, cushion. But you know Mark's uncle, who moms planning on taking up with when he gets out of prison in less than a month, is coming. And that Mark has issues with it. And that Mom doesn't care. You also know she won't let you just take the damn children. But you can call. You can become a friend to Mark. You can tell him what you never knew.
Not to tell Mom your feelings, cause she'll just wait till she's pissed at you, or until her and boyfriend get in a fight, to throw them in your face.
To keep your head down and focus on school. Its so important.
To let go of dark emotions, and energy. They dont last but what you do during a dark moment, might.
That there is a life beyond the dark of ghetto neighborhoods.
That just because everyone around you is comfortable in smut, doesn't mean you should be.
You are not resigned to the life you have at 14 years old. Unless you make those big mistakes. So avoidable mistakes.
You should be there.

Divine Inspiration

I think few things are as beautiful and full of love as flashmobs.

I know that sounds silly, but as far as I know, most of these mobs aren't getting paid. They may be gaining acknowledgment as a whole but none of these people are getting famous or really furthering their careers from this. They do it because they truly love something; music, dancing, singing, and they want to share it. It may sound silly. But I think that is so special.
I hope this makes your insides happy

You know what I want most?

Well you could want to know or not, im going to write it.

I want to be a fashion blogger.
Omg so bad.

I want to do as Cara van Brocklin does and not only style myself fashionably and gorgeous, but also my husband and children!

I want to emulate Emily Schuman, and basically live a life full of beautiful pictures, delicate jewelry, adorable cats, and incredible fashion. I want to take the time to decorate my house with taste and bring elegance and style to most aspects of my life and be able to show them to readers.


I want to put together outfits and spend an hour getting every aspect of my makeup perttyfied.
I want to leave the house feeling absolutely perfect.
Then go to some beautiful locale that I picked out before hand and take tons of cute pictures of said outfit and hair and makeup.
Then post them, on a minimalist, all white blog and feel incredibly chic and beautiful and trendy.

But I wont.
1.Because im overweight and the thought of pictures of my entire body online scares me nearly to death.

2.  This isnt exactly its own reason but I refuse to buy myself much clothing because I feel like it would be a waste. This is not my forever body and I dont like trying things on much anyway.

Also, and quite shamefully, not very many trendy stores sell clothes I fit into comfortably anymore.
So, this blogpost took a turn for the sad. But I got it out there. I want to be a fashion blog! So bad :(

But then I see girls like Gabi Fresh kicking ass and taking names and looking fun and glowy and beautiful and just feel "why not me?!" Maybe she's just more confidant than I? Maybe she just truly adores her body and I dont? Or, maybe there will always be an excuse.

"Why can't you get ugly!?"

Hey, so does anyone wanna buy me this beautiful summer dining set from Williams-Sonoma?

Wait, no?

Well...... Is it...... Is it cause a set for four would cost close to 300 dollars? 

Oh, ok.

Guys, my lusty lusty loins. *swoons*

My first blog post.

Ok, so in reality, this is like my 3rd or 4th blog post. I've started several blogs. Then deleted them.
See my theory is, start a blog, than commit to making your life something to blog about. You know? Pushing me out of my comfort zones, and making me do stuff that I would love to read about. It didn't work. But now, I feel like taking a different approach. Because, I kind of like myself. The person that I am right now.

I dropped out of highschool when I ran away from home at 15 with my then, 5 month old infant. I am now 21, that Infant is turning 6 years old in 2 months, and my second child just turned 1 (Yeah yeah yeah, highschool parent cliche blah blah blah, lets move on). I havent yet got my GED, but I've decided to go to law school. So with these big changes that I am soon to hurl myself into, Ive decided to try to document the person I am now. I mean, I'm sarcastic, pretty pessimistic  I have incredibly judgmental thoughts, but I can also be very reflective. I've come so far from the pessimist and judgmental asswhole that I was just a year ago. I look at people in different ways, I have a different appreciation for the Sun and Moon and Earth and stars and places and things. Im on a journey to reach practically unattainable goals, and lose 80 pounds. These are both things that can make you forget who you are, and what you believe in. And If ever I do, I want to be able to look back and find myself again.

I will try my very damnedest to be painfully candid, and to not be ashamed of things I wouldn't want to world to know about me. Because why the eff not?